Given

But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God. John 1:12 

This Advent, my heart has been working through different strategies to keep the focus in our house on the main gift, Jesus. Noah understands the concept of getting a gift more this year than in past years, and he is very excited now about all things Christmas. One of the first things he mentioned to me this morning, as the sun was still creeping toward the horizon, was that in a few days it would be Christmas, and that meant that he could eat a candy cane! 

Christmas 2012

Regularly, Dave and I try to remind the boys to stay focused on the real reason for celebrating Christmas by asking the question, "Is Christmas all about.... (candy canes)?" Sometimes Noah answers yes, sometimes no. But we always come back to the question, telling him again and again that the answer is Jesus. 

The one who is the true light, who gives light to everyone, was coming into the world. He came into the very world he created, but the world didn’t recognize him. He came to his own people, and even they rejected him. John 1:9-11

Sometimes, it's easy for us to reject Jesus, even Christians, even in the midst of this season. 

If I had no Christmas tree lighting up the dark evenings in my house, if there were no presents to give and to receive, if there were no stockings to hang, no special songs, no family gatherings, no cookies or candy canes or peppermint hot chocolate, no candlelit services, would I still celebrate the birth of The Lord of the universe, coming to earth to give his life as a ransom? I pray that I would.

I pray that I go about celebrating Christmas in the midst of all this abundance with a spirit that would lead my boys to know that the greatest gift that comes on Christmas is the right given to them to be children of God.

My Story

Taking her by the hand he said to her, "Talitha cumin," which means, "Little girl, I say to you, arise." Mark 5:41

And [Jesus] said to him, "Go home to your friends and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you." Mark 5:19



During the Thanksgiving worship service at my church this year, we were encouraged to think about "our story," the story of God at work in our life.  And we were challenged to share it.

Here's mine:

God has taken my proud and arrogant head and crushed it.  

He has shown me my weaknesses. 

He has brought to light my faults.

He has led me away from the path I prepared for myself…

Only to take me to His path, the one he had prepared for me from days of old.

He showed me my faults only to show me a way to mend them.

He brought forth my weaknesses so that I could understand the depths of his strength.

He crushed my head, so that He could have its place.

And for all of this, I am forever thankful.

Watch

"Mommy!  Watch me!"

I wish I would be able to keep a running tally of how many times I hear this throughout the day.  If Noah is doing something that he is proud of, he proceeds to alert me with this catchphrase at least once every 30 seconds while he is going about trying out his new-found skill.

"Mommy!  Watch me!"

"Mommy!  Watch me!"

"Mommy!  Watch me!"

"Okay," I reply.

And then, as soon as he's completed his feat (trying to stand on his head, catapulting his stuffed toy monkey off of a book, sliding across the floor on his knees), I hear,

"Did you see that, Mommy?"

"Yes, Noah, I was watching you."

He wants to be watched if he's doing something really amazing or something totally mundane.  He wants to be watched first thing in the morning and last thing at night.  He wants to be watched at home, outside, at the park, at school.  It is so frequent, it has turned into one of those things where I have to remind myself to enjoy it, rather than be annoyed by it.  Even if I've seen him slide across the floor a dozen times, he still wants to know that I'm watching him for the thirteenth time.

[The Lord] will watch over your life;

the Lord will watch over your coming and going

both now and forevermore. Psalm 121:7-8

What an image: we don't have to ask God to watch us.  He does so out of his great power and mercy.  Perhaps as grown-ups, we would rather that God not watch our every move, because we know he would not be proud to see some of the things we do.  But he watches us, as a loving dad watches his kids, making sure to warn us when we attempt "feats" that might harm us, and rejoicing when we do things that imitate his heart.

The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.

Zephaniah 3:17

For Granted

A week ago, I successfully completed a half marathon, which is a fun yet challenging distance to run. It is a walk in the park to marathon runners, but seemingly unattainable to non-runners. It takes several months of planning and devoted training, and a little bit of insanity, to run for two hours straight. This particular year's race was special to me.  I have completed three half marathons before this one, but the last one took place in 2006, before my body added "childbirth" to its repertoire. After having two babies, I wasn't sure I would ever run in a competitive way again. God made it possible for me to have the time to train and gave me, once again, the physical ability to run. And it was so. much. fun.

All runners have a different attitude about running after finishing a race they've been training for. Some are signing up for the next one 10 minutes after they cross the finish line. Some swear they'll never put on running shoes again. (I've done both, by the way.) This week, I was excited to get back out and go for a 3-4 mile run.  And my first post-race run was wonderful: a beautifully crisp morning, plenty of energy, strong legs, clear thoughts.  As I was talking to God on my run (as I typically do, since he's my only "running buddy" these days), he was reminding me what a blessing it was to be able to run.  And my mind was flooded with all the individuals I know personally and from a distance who are not physically able to run. I was reminded of several times in my life when I've needed to take a break from running. I was reminded of those who do not have the privileges in life that allow for free time and free space to run.  And those thoughts make any aches or soreness seem completely arbitrary, complaints completely immature.

I think about this often in my duties of being a mom--the way in which I am privileged to even be one. I'm always surprised at how wrapped up I can get in the the little "aches and soreness" of motherhood. In days spent in parenthood, there always seem to be some sore joints, and muscles that tighten too quickly, and impatience to reach the next mile marker, and feelings of weariness.  But there are people out there whose hearts yearn for those pains.  They would gladly take on the pain if it would mean that they would be able to partake in the activity. I am blessed to have the pains I do.

My community grieves today for a boy who died in a fatal bicycle accident on the way to school this morning.  There is a mom tonight who wishes she had the simple aches of arguments and laundry to deal with.  But she is left with a much bigger ache.  May I never take for granted the gift that has been given me of each new day with my boys (and the aches that accompany it).

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.

When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up, the flames will not consume you.

For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

Isaiah 43:2-3

Ending

Four weeks ago, I put on my green apron for the last time.  I said good-bye to free lattes and the privilege of working on a shiny Mastrena.  For the last time, I handed a customer a cup of Pike with a smile.  Four weeks ago signaled the end.

For the past seven years, I've worked for Starbucks (minus a few four month breaks in there).  It was not a job that I sought after; it was a job that God gave me, knowing it would serve a good purpose in my life and in the life of my family. It was a job that provided for needs that Dave and I had.  It was a job that gave me hours when I needed work and breaks when I needed rest.  It was a job that challenged me to coach, lead, confront and encourage others.  It was a job that put me in touch with a LOT of people.

And now God has led me to leave that place (one of comfort, routine, dependability, security, ...caffeine) and trust him with a new adventure: that of staying at home with the boys.  In the months leading up to my last day, I was excited to be done, trusting God that it was the right decision.  In the weeks leading up to my last day, however, I was in a bit of emotional shock.  And the doubts began to creep in: Is this really the right thing to do?  Am I making a terrible mistake? Are we going to be able to survive on one paycheck? Will I regret this in six months? 

What a beautiful place to be. I was in complete trust of an all-powerful God.  I was humbly at his feet, hoping in his mercy and goodness. It was a little daunting, but mostly exciting, having faith that good would come because of obedience.

I was humbled to think of so many individuals who have gone before, who not only trusted God with their jobs, but with their homes, their travels, their families and their lives.

A month later, it's hard for me to imagine life any other way.  God has already provided for the areas that harbored my greatest hesitations.  The challenge for me now is to be seeking to follow Him daily, even when it's illogical or uncomfortable, knowing that there is great joy waiting for those who will end claim to their own life in order to begin with Him.

Glimpses

And I will be your Father, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.  

2 Corinthians 6:18

I am a fan of driving. But I really enjoy the conversations that happen when I am driving for an extended time with someone I love. Tonight, I got to drive and talk with my dad for a couple of hours. We talked about everything from "gibbous" to graduate school. The best part, though, was hearing him describe to me some of the interactions he had with various acquaintances of one of my brothers. He was relaying story after story of individuals who told him how much they appreciated and loved his son. And I got to see a glimpse: here was a 73-year-old man who loved "watching" his son. 

"You never get tired of watching your kids, do you, Dad?" I asked.

"No, I never get tired of watching my kids," he replied with the warmth that only a dad has. 

He went on to witness to me in the way he always does, "and isn't it wonderful to think that our Heavenly Father never gets tired of watching us, either?"

Yes it is, Dad. Yes it is.

Vacation

Dave and I and the boys just got back from our family summer vacation last week.  A family summer vacation must have been one of those unspoken rules for Dave and me: we've never discussed the pros and cons of vacationing; we just always assume we will. And since we do not live near either of our families, our vacations are synonymous with family time.

Credit: David Lange

This year, our vacation was to a wonderful place called the Copper Spur Ranch, middle of Nowhere, Colorado.  No cell phone service.  No internet.  No traffic.  No neighbors (except for those awesome friends who live 3 miles down the road).  No pressures.  No worries.

That's not to say that there's no work.  All 24 of us that gathered had a daily chore (from the 3 year old to the 74 year old).  We made meals, washed dishes, swept floors, fed animals, built fires, got water, painted walls.

That's not to say that there's nothing to do. In fact, there was often more to do than hours in the day.  We rode horses, drove four-wheelers, hiked a mountain, went running, explored the abandoned copper mines, played on an oversized teeter-totter, pet kittens, fished (without any luck), boated, swam, played cards, ate and snacked and ate some more.

A week like that leaves me feeling so refreshed (even though Zeke did not sleep through the nights).

I love the simplicity of a life that revolves around spending time with loved ones and doing the work that needs to be done to meet one's basic needs.  The generosity and love of my family humbles and encourages me.  The joy of conversation and old jokes brightens my perspective on life.

Tonight, I wonder how weeks like this last one affect the little boys that God has put in my care.  No doubt, Noah, my lover of all things outdoors, was in heaven.  He wished that we could have stayed for a "long, long, long, long time."  The uninhibited time in nature, the entertainment of cousins, the responsibility of ranch chores: these are all poignant to the heart and soul that God has placed in his little 3 year old body.  For Zeke, as the baby on the ranch, he had the attention of grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins from sun up to sun down.  Perhaps Zeke learned that the network of love that surrounds him is bigger than he's ever known.  Perhaps Noah got a glimpse into the complexity and diversity of the world that God has created.

For me, every time I get to be at the Copper Spur Ranch, I am reminded how small I am and how BIG God is.  One look up at the night sky, and I'm brought back to the reality that the universe is a big, big place.  And all of my "big" issues seem to melt away in the face of the Maker who is brilliant enough to put such a universe into being.  His network of love is bigger than I'll ever know and His complexity and diversity is too great for me to grasp.

The heavens proclaim the glory of God. The skies display his craftsmanship.

Day after day they continue to speak; night after night they make him known.

They speak without a sound or word; their voice is never heard.

Yet their message has gone throughout the earth, and their words to all the world.

Psalm 19:1-4 NLT