Friday, November 30, 2012


My mom thinks that Zeke has an unhealthy dose of anger.  If that little sixteen weekold wakes up from a nap hungry, and I'm not ready to feed him right away, wach out.  He gets red in the face, and oh, that face.  you would think that the once precious little features were taken over by a movie make-up artist: distirted and intense.  His cry quickly elevates to a scream, loud and commanding of the entire house. He's usually so upset that even after I begin feeding him, he stays mad until the milk hits his stomach.  Perhaps she's right.

Noah gets angry too, of course.  I'm convinced that those terrible twos are just as frustrating for him as they are for Dave and me. When Noah gets upset, he'll usually knock something over, and then his tears set in.  He's got to cry it out to release his frustration.  He usually chooses to retreat to his room for a short minute before he's ready to return and re-engage in the situation or conversation (and have the snot and tears wiped off his face).

Typically, I don't get angered very easily.  However, I had a situation arise this week that has made me very angry.  My heart races; my blood heats up; I fidget; my emotions rush to my head, right to that point behind my eyes.  And if someone makes me talk when I'm in this state, tears stream down my face and I can't get my words to make any sound over my weeping.  I really hate the helpless and disempowered feeling I have when I'm angry.  I don't like being angry.

And yet, this is a part of the person God made when he made me... when he made Noah... when he made Zeke.  I draw wisdom from King David: when he was angry, he cried out to God about it (and wrote a psalm to accompany the cry).

From Psalm 13:2-6
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
 and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the Lord’s praise,
for he has been good to me.

Psalm 71:1-4
I run to you, Lordfor protection.

    Don’t disappoint me.
You do what is right, so come to my rescue.
    Listen to my prayer and keep me safe.
Be my mighty rock,
    the place where I can always run for protection.
Save me by your command!
    You are my mighty rock and my fortress.

And Psalm 64:1,10
Hear me, my God, as I voice my complaint;

    protect my life from the threat of the enemy.
The righteous will rejoice in the Lord

    and take refuge in him;
    all the upright in heart will glory in him!

I pray that I would learn to always turn to God as David did, trusting and ever hopeful.  And I desire to teach my boys to do the same.

Monday, November 12, 2012


Fifteen years ago, I was frequently running laps--around the basketball court, track, campus.  These days, I'm still doing laps.  Kitchen to toy room to living room to entryway and back to kitchen = one lap.  Repeat. 

I run laps with Noah to see who can crash on the couch first. We ride our pretend horses around in laps.   I walk laps with Zeke--that's a little more his pace.  I've done laps while energetic and excited, and I've done laps while exhausted, reluctant, and sore. 

Last night, as I was walking laps with a sleepy Zeke in my arms, cuddled up against the bottom of my chin, I was stopped in my tracks.  I was hit with the realization that these are precious times: the snuggles, the coo-ing conversations, the smiles, and yes, even the laps.  I'm not sure what it is about the second child (perhaps the lesson learned from the first: that they do indeed grow up quickly) that makes me more thankful for the little moments at this stage than I ever was the first time around.

Today I am amazed at the maturity of baby Zeke--the easy-going little joy in our home who has surpassed both the three month and sixteen pound marks recently.  He's "communicating," smiling, laughing, and playing.  He loves looking at his hands and listening to his brother.  He almost always giggles when having his clothes changed and when sitting in the bathtub.  These are precious times.

I wouldn't mind if Zeke would just pause his growing up for a moment or two longer.  I would gladly do the work of taking care of this sweet little baby forever.  Thankfully, God sees more than the past and present.  He knows what the future holds for Baby Zeke...when he becomes Toddler Zeke and Teenager Zeke (although those names just don't quite have the same ring as the first).  He knows the growing that needs to happen in Zeke, and the growing that needs to happen in me, as we both journey down the path of being a daughter and son of the King, his little royalty.

My prayer for you, Zeke, and for me:

We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better. 

Colossians 1:9-10