My mom thinks that Zeke has an unhealthy dose of anger. If that little sixteen weekold wakes up from a nap hungry, and I'm not ready to feed him right away, wach out. He gets red in the face, and oh, that face. you would think that the once precious little features were taken over by a movie make-up artist: distirted and intense. His cry quickly elevates to a scream, loud and commanding of the entire house. He's usually so upset that even after I begin feeding him, he stays mad until the milk hits his stomach. Perhaps she's right.
Typically, I don't get angered very easily. However, I had a situation arise this week that has made me very angry. My heart races; my blood heats up; I fidget; my emotions rush to my head, right to that point behind my eyes. And if someone makes me talk when I'm in this state, tears stream down my face and I can't get my words to make any sound over my weeping. I really hate the helpless and disempowered feeling I have when I'm angry. I don't like being angry.
And yet, this is a part of the person God made when he made me... when he made Noah... when he made Zeke. I draw wisdom from King David: when he was angry, he cried out to God about it (and wrote a psalm to accompany the cry).
From Psalm 13:2-6
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the Lord’s praise,
for he has been good to me.
I run to you, Lord, for protection.
Don’t disappoint me.
You do what is right, so come to my rescue.
Listen to my prayer and keep me safe.
Be my mighty rock,
the place where I can always run for protection.
Save me by your command!
You are my mighty rock and my fortress.
And Psalm 64:1,10
Hear me, my God, as I voice my complaint;
protect my life from the threat of the enemy.
The righteous will rejoice in the Lord
and take refuge in him;
all the upright in heart will glory in him!
I pray that I would learn to always turn to God as David did, trusting and ever hopeful. And I desire to teach my boys to do the same.