I did it again.
There I was, just minding my own business, seeing if there was anything interesting in the world of Facebook, and then it happened. An old high-school friend of mind posted a picture of the view from her new office. It was beautiful: a scene of the bay with the bridge crossing over, the cool colors of morning beginning to let go to the brilliance of day. And I was jealous.
I immediately spun into a cycle of analyzing my mistakes and her successes, bemoaning my seeming inability in establishing a career, wanting to be happy for her and feeling disappointed in me.
This went on in my head longer than I care to admit. And it is not the first time it has happened. It rears its ugly head when I see my friends' success far surpass my own in one area or another.
Coveting. It is an ugly thing.
I see it in my boys, too.
Today, Zeke was happily playing "catch" (I use that term loosely; it's more like a throw-the-ball-up-in-the-air-and-then-pick-it-up-off-the-ground-when-it-lands kind of game), when Noah proudly announced his entrance into the room with an "En garde!" and a thrust of his trusty shield. In less than a second, Zeke completely forgot about the fun he was having and tried to pry the shield out of Noah's hands. A small wrestling match (which included yours truly), and screaming and crying followed (which did NOT include me, just to be clear).
When I see it in my boys, it is ridiculous. Senseless. Ignorant. Selfish.
When I see it in me, and take the time to view it for what it actually is, it is ridiculous. Senseless. Ignorant. Selfish.
And it takes me back to my Rescuer. The afternoon that I was caught up in where my friend was and I was not, he whispered into my heart: "You are here because I want you here, Christa. I do not want you there."
His voice pulled me out of my internal spin and placed me back onto his pleasant path. The one that he has planned just for me. And that's just where I want to be.