Freedom

"Me do it!"

Opening up a wrapper.

"Me do it!!"

Putting on shoes.

"Me do it!!"

Watering the garden.

Little Zeke turned two last week. He is smart, funny, strong, silly, quick, and loving. And he is independent.

"Meeee-eee do it!"

He loves that he is physically capable of so many more things than he was six months ago. So, now, he feels as though he is capable of doing everything. 

It is such a blessing to be witness to the daily achievements and improvements that a two-year-old makes. It's also my greatest challenge these days.

Sometimes, my thought process goes like this:

You CAN'T open a granola bar wrapper; I'll just do it real quick before you realize you didn't get a chance. ... We could be on time if you would just let me put on your shoes. ... You make such a mess when you stir pancake batter--just let me do it!

I find myself grumpy because of how his independence affects my routine. I find myself impatient because of how his independence affects my schedule. I find myself tired because of how his independence tests my mercy.

Mercy.

How often does God look mercifully on me, while I am busy showing him how I can do things myself?

How often do I have the confidence of a two-year-old when it comes to handling tasks that would be much better accomplished by an all-powerful God?

Mercy.

And yet, because of his incomprehensible great love, he sits back and watches. He gives me freedom to try, and fail, and watch, and learn, and try again. Even when it messes with his plans for my day, he gives me freedom. Even when it tests his patience, he sits back and lets me try to do it by myself. Even when he knows an easier way, he lets me fumble down my own.

Because it is in the trying and doing that there is learning. It is in the experiencing and disappointment that our hearts and minds are open to something greater than ourselves. It is in the failed attempts that there is mercy. 

And it is in the total dependence on him that there is freedom.

Out of my distress, I called to the Lord;

the Lord answered me and set me free. Psalm 118:5